Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - April 2007

01/04/07  ||  Global Domination

Type O Negative: Dead again

6,5/10

Lord K: I kinda dig Pete’s vocals at times but Type O’s music was always poor and boring. This is music for chicks with dicks. 3

Ripper Bendix: TON sound exactly as I wanted them to sound. Obviously Pete’s trip back to Carnivore did the band fucken good indeed. Devoid of baby screams or stupid noise bullshit, Dead Again is at least to me the best shit TON have released so far. 9

Syrrok: A stalwart of a band. Cheers to these guys, coming through again and again in their own way. The increasingly positive production can’t hurt their normal stylings of sludgy, surprising depressed metal. Fuck, what I love most about these guys is that they have NEW YORK written all over their music. I’m just so down with this one from one of my favs. 8

Hanging Limbs: I remember liking that song “Punish My Heaven.” No wait, that was a different band. 3

Farlus: The band continues to produce unique albums. Each one’s got a different feel and vibe to it. “Dead Again” is a bit more upbeat. It’s got more rock and punk vibe to it than some other albums, but still unmistakably TON. 8

Fishermane: Every single Type O’ Negative album is significant in its own right. However, since most of TON’s fans remain divided in regards to their favorite album, it is up individual listeners to check out “Dead Again” themselves to draw any tangible conclusions. In reality, comparisons to early Carnivore are not far-fetched. It’s not as “pop-ish” as LIKM, yet it’s still catchy as hell. Took a few listens to get used to, but I’m fucking loving it now. 8

Watain: Sworn to the dark

6,5/10

Lord K: Watain’s got all the tools to become a big name in black metal, which I think they will. The hype is already there and they fucken deserve it. It’s been a long time since the black metal scene offered a band that actually got their shit completely together. Watain is that band and I salute them. Definitely this round’s winner, by far, for me. 8

Ripper Bendix: What’s that fucken smell?? Good fucken black metal, that’s what! 8

Syrrok: Hooray. It’s black metal time. Since there are about 3 black metal bands I can tolerate I’m sure this will go well. For a brand of music that relies on atmosphere these fellows sure left that aspect behind. Still, there are some very redeeming parts of this album. I think they should reconsider their area of emphasis seeing as though many of the riffs are tough as shit. I also dig the fuck out of the vocals. Come on guys, try again and this time, write death metal! 6

Hanging Limbs: This is what black metal should be. Definitely one of the better bands of the style in recent years. I’d trade Jesus for this disc any day. 8

Farlus: I could’ve sworn Watain had something to do with werewolves or something. Nope, Wikipedia and Google only turn up “crap black metal band”. Sigh. 2

Fishermane: For black metal fans, Watain are definitely a band to watch. After reading Lord Samantha Fox’s review posted here a few weeks ago, I must admit I was expecting a bit more, but I’d be lying if I said “Sworn to the dark” wasn’t a solid release. Check it out, especially if you reside on the dark side. 7

Machine Head: The blackening

6,3/10

Lord K: Robb Flynn wouldn’t know progression if it took all its furniture, moved into his cock and started to pay rent. “The blackening” sounds like Machine Head always sounds, and if you’re a fan of that sound, well, here you go. Robb’s clean vocals annoys me at times, always did, always will. Machine Head’s biggest problem is the too-long songs. They just don’t have any reason to write 9 or 10 minute tracks, simply becoz their music doesn’t offer anything that justifies it. It’s just regular metal, with tons of clean vocal passages, for fuck’s sake. Cut the tunes down to a maximum of 3 minutes, fuck the emo-vocals and things will be way more interesting. Maybe. 5

Ripper Bendix: It takes some fucken time to get into this album. I, for my part, am glad that they didn’t spit out a second “Burn My Eyes” or whatever, but created something that represents pretty much the best Machine Head has ever fucken recorded (not counting the home video of Flynn polishing his own, personal Machine Head). 9

Syrrok: This is a band that has to be divided up according to their band members. First 2 albums – tough, totally kick ass. Middle 2 albums – faggy, totally nu-metal. Last 2 album – tough, totally kick ass. I have no reason not to dig this shit except maybe the unnecessarily long songs. How about 2 or 3 more songs instead of the 3 minute clean intros? Oh yeah, yer artists. Almost forgot. I love heavy metal though. 7

Hanging Limbs: Was there a time that I would hear this band’s name and not think of Bush? The pubes, not the band. I guess Machine Head is still trying to win back the fans they lost when they went through their nu-metal phase. This is a good start. Or maybe the last album was. I never heard it. “The Blackening” is awesome for a quasi-commercial album. It’s kind of The Haunted meets Strapping Young Lad meets Iron Maiden (just listen to some of the buildups in the longer songs). I’m just not sure how much I will like it 5 years from now. 7

Farlus: This album parallels “Through the Ashes of Empires”. It starts off with an awesome song that while a little lengthy, seems to set the tone for the rest of the album. It’s really good and you say “Machine Head is back!” Then the rest of the album is just mind numbing. Very disappointing… again. 4

Fishermane: All I know about Machine Head is that back in the day, they had released a shirt with a print that said “Let freedom ring with a shotgun blast”. Sounds rather authoritarian, doesn’t it? Regardless, this album is far from soft, but I doubt the average GD reader will adore it. Since you know, you guys are hard as fuck and whatnot. Right? 6

Daath: The hinderers

6,2/10

Lord K: Daath is, weird moniker aside, a well-rounded half-technical, semi-aggressive (and at times death) metal costume dressed up to join the wardrobe of heavier music. It’s nice to hear jungle beats, keyboards and electronics in there, since we all know I dig that shit, and for most parts it works quite well. Take That’s got nothing on Take Daath, bitches! 7

Ripper Bendix: Quite an interesting mixture here, but nothing to fucken blow me away. I’ll elaborate this shit a bit more deeply in a single review and for now just try to not let this thing slide too high up in the ranking. Sue me. 6

Syrrok: I remember meeting these guys about 2 years ago. I was waiting in line for the Machine Head/Chimaira/Trivium show in Anaheim. They were out in front handing out demos of their silly band. My buddy was like, “Daath? Like Daath Vader? Or pronounced like “goth?” My sentiments exactly. Fucken gay. There’s absolutely nothing new here folks. 2

Hanging Limbs: This daath not suck! HA! Seriously, I rather enjoyed this, death metal with a ton of groove and plenty of variety. Daath manages to be fun and catchy without being death ‘n roll. Not all of their ideas work (“Under a Somber Sign” sounds awkward and unfinished), but for the most part these homies got their shit together. 7

Farlus: This band took me by surprise. The first song I heard, “Subterfuge”, rocked all the hair off of my balls. I was wary, though. I thought that they would have one or two killer songs and the rest would suck ass. Surprisingly, most of the album is pretty killer. The biggest surprise was to find out they’re an American band. I had them nailed for Sweden the whole time. Good stuff. 8

Fishermane: While you should be spending your current time reading GD’s Most Dominating Albums of the 90’s feature (there goes a 10,000$ plug), you might want to check out Daath when you have a chance. If a band is going to employ a method that’s been used countless times in the past to compose aggressive metal, they might as well do it efficiently, right? Daath actually understood this. Better than they understand the concept of choosing a marketable and memorable moniker. 7

Dew-Scented: Incinerate

6,2/10

Lord K: Germans who studied their Swedish metal like there could be no tomorrow. While the music is a drunken ride between between death metal, melodic death metal and a few thrash bits, the vocals keep it from being overly brutal and finally makes it land somewhere in the middle of things. Some sweet rhythmic start’n‘stop shit here and there and overall a fine effort. 7

Ripper Bendix: HA! Local heroes from my neck of the woods. Did anybody else notice that all their albums start with “I”? Their guitarist once stated that the last album will begin with an “E” to form the nice onomatopoetical anagram IIIIIIIIIIIIIIE of a typical German cry of utter disgust. Nice fucken idea, but the music’s way damn too good for clownshit like that. 7

Syrrok: I totally wrote a review about these guys and I was totally unimpressed. It’s time to disband and start some side-projects. Again, great playing, horrible songwriting. We need to have some sort of international conference about this. 3

Hanging Limbs: I never bothered to check this band out in the past, probably because of their more than horrendous name. If all of their albums are like this, I may have to go back in time and unfuck myself with the ignorant fist. Razor sharp riffing and a great thrash production make this an instant winner. I greatly prefer this to the recent Kreator and Destruction efforts, but the Das Sexy Award still goes to Sodom. 8

Farlus: Gotta give these guys props for being around so long. They’ve obviously got a formula that works. Unfortunately most of that formula doesn’t work for me. Their vocals are as annoying as Hatebreed’s. Everything else is above average. What the fuck does dew smell like anyway? 5

Fishermane: Apparently, Dew-Scented named their band based on inspirations taken from the writings of Edgar Allan Poe. Believe it not, they thrash pretty fucking hard. Harder than the One Mane Army. Not this Mane’s army of course, but the one listed further down this list. Quote the Mane, nevermore. Haha. 7

Leng Tche: Marasmus

5,8/10

Lord K: Dying Fetus could learn a thing or 5 from this band. Not that they are doing the same thing, but Leng Tch’e is good fucken death metal full of blasts, that’s what I mean. All-out brutality that no fan of this genre should pass on. 7

Ripper Bendix: The last album already screwed my fucken head off so I can’t really remember or explain what a “marasmus” is. I am also too lazy to consult Wikipedia, or shower, or get out of bed. 7

Syrrok: I ALMOST enjoyed their last effort. I just can’t get behind these spastic grind-random bands. They just seem like “scenesters” to me, whatever the fuck that means. You should ask Morrisey (or that dude at GD who loves the Smiths). I bet he can answer that question. I do like the TOUCH of extended groove on this one, though. And the sound is pretty top notch. Alright, you talked me into a: 5

Hanging Limbs: One of my friends sent me a couple of Leng Tch’e tracks in college and it left no impact whatsoever on my face or rectum. I remember them being grindier than this, but who the balls remembers. This stuff would put me to sleep if I was getting a blowjob on a rollercoaster. If Leng Tch’e was half as interesting as they were boring, this album would be better. 3

Farlus: This band continues to impress. I’m just a casual fan, so I can’t compare this to any other albums, but you’ll most likely dig this record. 7

Fishermane: You have to respect Leng She for coining an outlandish term like “Razorgrind”. Surprisingly enough, it fits their music pretty well. I doubt that fans will prefer this over their “The Process of Shelimination”, but it’s a worthy release nonetheless. 6

One Man Army And The Undead Quartet: Error in evolution

5,7/10

Lord K: Thrashy death metal with a better looking cover than actual music, as in so many cases these days. Great production though I find nothing remotely interesting with this quartet. I never cared for The Crown either, so there you go. 5

Ripper Bendix: Hey! That’s a funny fucken band name. The music, not so much. 5

Syrrok: Someone wants to be a superstar, this much is obvious. Covering Alice Cooper, playing some shit metal, wearing tough metal gear. Hey, maybe they’ll get somewhere but this metal isn’t going to be the reason for it. Boring when they try to write the “star material” and nothing new when they try to “go extreme”. 4

Hanging Limbs: These guys aren’t Tankard or Wehrmacht, but this is some goofy thrash. Or maybe it’s goofy melodic thrash death penis. Maybe they aren’t as tongue-in-cheek as I hope they are, but the band’s name and the track “Such a Sick Boy” are the only indications I need to make such a claim. Other than the awful King Fowley-esque clean vocals, this is more or less awesome. It’s catchier than a fish hook and just as erotic. 9

Farlus: Awesome music, terrible lyrics and band name. Melodeath with a tinge of crappy lines like “Daddy’s got a shotgun”. Yeargh. 5

Fishermane: One Mane Army thrash in a fairly efficient fashion. Well-written, well-produced, but lacking a certain je ne sais quoi… (Sorry, somebody paid me 3.50$ to utilize that expression). 6

Nightrage: A new disease is born

4,5/10

Lord K: “Hi, we are another one of all the goddamn fucken bands with no identity of our own who wants to sound like every 3-word band on the market. We might try to be a little flashier with the soloing, though. Is that ok with you? “. No, it’s fucken not. Competent shit, and completely lacking identity and soul. Bland. 4

Ripper Bendix: Blew me away as I saw them live opening for Bolt Thrower, but fail to impress me on cd. NEXT. 5

Syrrok: If these guys could just take the first riff of each song and make it into one BIG song then we’d have a song almost worth a 7/10. Unfortunately each song starts strong and then gets ridiculously redundant. I’m down with the riffage style, but there still needs to be some kind of congruency. Give these guys a few albums. 4

Hanging Limbs: Melodic death metal is one of those styles that if done well, will never bore me. Like metal itself, it survives by branching out and incorporating other styles. Nightrage is as original as chicken pot pie, but that doesn’t stop them from making well-written music. Their FM radio clean vocals may piss some listeners off, but they are performed adequately. 6

Farlus: I don’t find myself terribly impressed by these guys. The world will do just find without one more Swedish melodic death metal band. 3

Fishermane: Wasn’t Nightrage decent at one point? I seem to recall a specific album from these guys that trashed pretty fucking hard. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t atrocious by any means, but the clean vocals and generic sounding material isn’t helping these guys. Bring back Lindberg!!! 5

Dying Fetus: War of attrition

4,3/10

Lord K: I never understood what the thing about Dying Fetus (and the moniker, people. The fucken moniker…) was. Quite a few people seem to be into them, and I guess it’s becoz they never heard real quality death metal. It’s just a giant, technical mess to me, a mess that is lacking groove in every department. And there’s few things as irritating as the typical weak US death metal blast. Actually, there’s quite a bunch, but you get my point. Or not. 3

Ripper Bendix: The beat starts here…. no…. here…. err…. HERE.... ah fuck it. 4

Syrrok: Perfect example of music I’ve never been into. Boring ass tunes to the maximum. Guitars are straight out of the “Ibanez… meet Crate amplification” school. I wrote a better album in my sleep. 2

Hanging Limbs: Here’s a band that I heard once, then tried to ignore for the rest of my life. Let’s see if I’ve been wrong all these years…
…
…
Nope. 4

Farlus: Never listened to these guys before, but not a bad experience for my first listen. Decent death metal. I keep wanting to make an analogy to hookers, but I can’t quite come up with one. So…hookers. And gonorrhea. 6

Fishermane: Dying Fetus seem quite content with their position in metal today. They never really compromised their trademark brutal/groovy approach to songwriting or tried to adapt to popular trends. While those who never enjoyed The Fetus will nonchalantly disregard this release, fans of their previous material should definitely check it out. 7

Clutch: From Beale Street to oblivion

4,2/10

Lord K: I hate this rock-shit with a passion. Not only this rock-shit, but most rock-shit. Pretty much all rock-shit. I can appreciate it for what it is though. Rock-shit. Er… wait… actually, I can’t. Nope, I really fucken can’t. Fuck this rock-shit. 3

Ripper Bendix: Isn’t a clutch a part in a car? Clutch… pedal… thingie… makes gears shift or something. This little excursion was more interesting than the actual album. 4

Syrrok: Oh, isn’t it nice we get all kinds of harmonica on this fucken bitch? Just like down south, good ol’ timey music, right? This is fucken GLOBAL DOMINATION right? Everyone but Farlus hates this shit. 2

Hanging Limbs: Rock over London, rock on Chicago, rock on my penis. I saw these guys open for Iron Maiden in 1999 and they sounded out of place. Amazingly enough, they sound even more out of place coming from my speakers. 2

Farlus: It seems like Clutch has a hard time writing a bad album. If you dig the band, you won’t be disappointed by this record. Every album I’ve heard by these guys has been great. 8

Fishermane: Clutch have found themselves in a rather interesting predicament. They’re a fairly respectable band with an original sound, but I doubt their true potential will be reflected through most of our comments. That being said, fuck this rock shit, gimme some Type O’ Negative! 6

Ensiferum: Victory songs

4,2/10

Lord K: I don’t know. Folk/pagan/penis metal isn’t exactly something I’d trade my Blümchen albums for. Actually, I don’t think I’d trade any of my albums (Blümchen or not) for Ensiferum’s discography. If you think dressing up in knight’s gear, sitting in the forest around the fire, touching your friends’ manhood’s and be intimate with your role-playing cronies, Ensiferum might just be the music you need to fulfill the evening of hot steaming male bonding. I rather go fishing. With chicks. 4

Ripper Bendix: This is kinda like Battlelore, just with more oiled-up male strippers wearing latex-masks. 4

Syrrok: This band is all over the place, but I enjoy their optimistic spirit. The mix drowns out the vocalist and we all have nothing but congrats to the engineer for this. Maybe this is like Irish hardcore bro-tastic bullshit? I can’t even tell. 3

Hanging Limbs: I usually dig all that viking/folk shit (unless it’s Vintersorg), so I’m not surprised I like this. There’s a fair amount of Children of Bodom in the songs, which works out rather well. Though cheesy it may be, I wouldn’t have my viking metal any other way. I tilt the horns to these Finns. 7

Farlus: Please, no more Lord of the Rings-metal. This album makes me wanna go buy a 20 sided die. Stop the insanity. 1

Fishermane: At times, Ensiferum sound a tad like Emperor did on their later recordings. Except, of course, for the fact that Ensiferium enjoy folk music, fairy wands and enchanted trees of wisdom. To be honest, it actually works out quite well at times. Just ignore the fact that they named a song “One more magic potion”. I know it’s hard, but just don’t think about it. Seriously,
stop fucking around. 6

Nox: Ixaxaar

4,2/10

Lord K: Ass-production aside, Nox got some ok blasting death metal shit to offer. Some of the stuff reminds me of how Krisiun would compose a tune. With a sound containing more punch’n‘penis, Nox could really become a force to be reckoned with. As it is now it’s just a tad too weak, though quite good. 6

Ripper Bendix: A bit too many “x”‘s going on there for my taste. Music’s nice though. “Nice” as in “ok, I see what you did there, nice”. 6

Syrrok: This is that kind of technical death/blast metal that we all love. And by “we” I mean “no one”. It’s like blowing your load while making out. Sure, mission accomplished, but everyone is left unsatisfied. 2

Hanging Limbs: “This year’s winner of the Origin Award for worst waste of talent goes to Nox!!!”. Awful, but fun if you want to hear some skilled playing. I don’t. 2

Farlus: It’s more brutal than a post-Taco Bell shitfest… but also just about as painful to listen to. 4

Fishermane: The Economist recently published an article about how reviewers from Global Domination occasionally write their AA comments without ever mentioning the actual band or their music. You know what? Fuck you, The Economist. Your articles on Free Trade vs Protectionism suck. I could probably get better advice on how to regulate the International Political Economy by listening to Nox’s half-ass brutal metal. 5

Red Harvest: A greater darkness

4,2/10

Lord K: A quite sterile production, cold if you will, just like the actual sound of Red Harvest. I have heard some of their older stuff and didn’t exactly go apeshit over it, though they are doing their thing quite well. It’s the same thing this time around. 5

Ripper Bendix: 1 1/2 oz Vodka
3 ea Drops tabasco sauce
3 oz Tomato juice
1 x Pepper; to taste
1 ea Lemon; juiced
1 x Salt; to taste
1/2 ts Worcestershire sauce

Preparation: Shake with ice and strain into old-fashioned glass over ice cubes. A wedge of lime may be added.

THAT’S a “red harvest” I’d digest, twice. 5

Syrrok: I’ve only heard a sample from this band before tearing into this album. I love that sample, the “AEP” teaser, totally makes me nuts. Suffice to say I was expecting more of the same on this album. Oh the disappointment. I absolutely dig some of the programmings, unfortunately the guitars just can’t match up with em’ to make something worthwhile. 2nd tier status is where these guys’ll stay for a while. 4

Hanging Limbs: So these guys have been around forever doing the industrial metal thing. I know this not because I’m a fan, but because I read a press release. Interestingly enough, the press release said nothing about this album being a snoozefest. 3

Farlus: Leave experimentation to the art rock fags. This is some weird shit that I can’t quite wrap my head around. Neurosis called, they want their style back. 3

Fishermane: In 1997, Norwegian industrial metal band Red Harvest actually got a chance to support Type O’ Negative on tour. Since Type O’ Negative are only a couple of spots up, let’s ask them what they thought…

The Mane: Hey Type O’ Negative album, what did you think of Red Harvest?

Rasputin: Fuck Red Harvest. Did you know that Wikipedia only lists my manhood at 11.8 inches long? That bad-boy was at least 13”, and that’s on a bad day! I don’t suppose you’ve seen it anywhere by any chance, have you? Ooooh, it’s on eBay as we speak! With NO reserve! Score, haha!

The Mane: Um, thanks man… 5

Saxon: The inner sanctum

3,5/10

Lord K: Yes, it was me. I just farted. I apologize. 2

Ripper Bendix: Yeah, pioneers, blah, NWOBHW, blah blah, more blah. BORING, period. 4

Syrrok: This is the band in this edition of AA that all writers will take aim at with their Yakov Schmirnov-esque comedy stylings. No need to be funny when… even though they suck… I’m sitting here typing about how much they suck while they’re on tour somewhere playing heavy metal. My only retribution is a: 2

Hanging Limbs: HAHA MORE LIKE SUXON!!!! But seriously, this is one of those bands I would feel bad panning. They…They were a huge influence on metal…fucking…The NWOBHM would be incomplete without them…suck… At the same time, I feel no nostalgia when I hear the band… balls… Read between the lines folks. 4

Farlus: I knew I was in for a treat when I saw the song title “I’ve Got to Rock (To Stay Alive)”. While alot of this is crap power metal stuff…there are some good rock songs. Some of them have an AC/DC feel to them. The album’s not all bad. 4

Fishermane: After 17 albums, I guess you start to run out of song titles. “Let me feel your power” and “Need for speed”? Brilliant. Well, Saxon’s 1979 debut album had a track called “Stallions of the highway”. Once a poet, always a poet, right? While “The Inner Sanctum” isn’t as dreadful as you might expect, it won’t significantly increase your life span anytime soon. 5

Machine Men: Circus of fools

3/10

Lord K: “Circus of cheese” would be a better name for this embarrassing bullshit band. “Metal” (“metal” is definitely an exaggeration here) with a high-pitched vocalist that gets on my nerves. He’s most likely into guys (homosexual pun intended) like Michael Kiske and that fat fag from T.N.T. Either way, fuck this band. The gay jokes are pissing down on us, reminiscent of German porn. 3

Ripper Bendix: There is so much wrong with the overall constellation of bandname, album title, the music and pretty much everything else that I don’t even know where to start. “Machine Men” is a song by Bruce Bruce Dickinson, based on some poems by William Blake. Circus is gay and fools usually wear bells on their knees or something. So my mental image consists of a guy in VERY tight pants with bells on, wearing clown make-up and reading sad poetry. Since the music doesn’t sound like that (but even less exciting) I was fucken disappointed. 4

Syrrok: Fucken penis central. Look no further for sodomy times x 10. 1

Hanging Limbs: The lesser of the Machines reviewed this month. Funny enough, I wrote that even before hearing the vocals. Unfortunately, the music is decent straight up metal that is left out to dry by the vocals. Take the vocals from Edguy, add 4 cups of gay (2 if you’re diabetic), and you have the recipe for how to screw up a metal album. Oh my god, I’m only on track 3. You guys are lucky I love you. 5

Farlus: As I listened to this album, I sensed deja vu. I thought some more, then continued to study the name of the band, and I remembered! This band’s been on AA before! They scarred me so much I went back to find it. Sure enough, September 2005 edition, we reviewed “Elegies”. I gave it a 1. Nope, they haven’t improved. 1

Fishermane: My lovely girlfriend just walked in while I was writing my final comments for “Circus of fools”. All she saw was my Internet Explorer still open on Wikipedia’s page for Rasputin’s penis (which I only referenced to compose my Red Harvest comment, I swear). Anyhow, my fellow colleagues probably already told you about how Machine Men aren’t exactly a remarkable band, so I’ll save you from my drivel. I need all the time I can get to convince my girl I’m not attracted to late 19th century male Russian mystics (well-endowed or not). 4